it wasn't lemon gatorade
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
