so let's talk penis.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
