whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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