so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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