I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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