I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
