Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
someone owes me an orgasm
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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