We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
