I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
