Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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