My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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