this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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