i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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