I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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