Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
