weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
