Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
