Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
