if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
