so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
