got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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