I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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