respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
