I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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