so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
