Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
