i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
