Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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