I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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