I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
