She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
