We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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