Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i've created a new STD.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
