And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
