I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my being single is dangerous.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
