so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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