So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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