His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
