very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
