I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
A bitchslap is in order.
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