Say something about gay babies.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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