woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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