Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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