She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
