he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You need Xanax blowdarts
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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