Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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