the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
