The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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