Is it normal to miss your booty call?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
