Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
