there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
